Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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