dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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