chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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