What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
