ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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