areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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