I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
