I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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