She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
