I've blown a few things in my day
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
