Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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