I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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