The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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