The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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