woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
