She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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