I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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