If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
