they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
