He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
