I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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