I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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