His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
