i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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