FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she looked like the before picture.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
