He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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