I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
