she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
