we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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