i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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