I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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