Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
