New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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