I never want to see another naked old woman again.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
