What a fucking waste of an outfit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
