It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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