Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
