I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
