Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
