i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
