Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
either way he was missing a nipple.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
