Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
