IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
