I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
whose parrot is this?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
