atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
