I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
