just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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