Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
