i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
