You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
