mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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