He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
