the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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