i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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