Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
