just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
