it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
