I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
