you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
