Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
