I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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