already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
two words...techno handjob
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
