I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
