i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
