I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have post one night stand depression
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