I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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