: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
