at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
