A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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