It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering