True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down