you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
