If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.