He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls