I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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