Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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