Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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