Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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