She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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