I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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