How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
