people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
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the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize