Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
