Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
